What is sibling sexual abuse? Like all forms of sexual abuse, sibling sexual abuse is an abuse of power. If a more powerful or stronger sibling bribes or threatens a weaker sibling to engage in sexual activity, even if the offender is younger, it is sexual abuse. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the victim; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the expense of the victim.
“Incest is both sexual abuse and abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is to use the victim, treating her in a way that she does not want or in a way that is not appropriate on the part of a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into account the needs or wishes of the child, but instead meets the needs of the other person at the expense of the child. If the experience has a sexual meaning for another person, rather than a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it’s unwanted or inappropriate for your age or the relationship, it’s abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] it can occur through words, sounds, or even the child’s exposure to images or acts that are sexual but do not involve the child. If she is forced to see what she doesn’t want to see, for example by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced to live an experience that is sexual in content or tinged, that is abuse. Whenever a child is induced to engage in sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power stems from the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes they cannot refuse, is a child who has been raped.” (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).
The abuser usually reinforces the target victim’s sibling trust and then violates that trust to commit the abuse. The abuser may use force, the threat of force, a bribe, the offer of special attention, or a gift to get the victim to keep the abuse secret.
In sibling sexual abuse, the victim and abuser are siblings, half-siblings, step-siblings, or siblings by adoption. As with other forms of sexual abuse, sibling sexual abuse does not involve sexual contact. The abuser may force two or more children to engage in sexual activity with each other. The abuser may force the siblings to watch sexual activity or pornographic videos. The abuser may also repeatedly abuse them by seeing them get dressed, shower or use the bathroom.
As with any sexual abuse by a family member, sibling sexual abuse is harmful for the following reasons:
o The victim feels pressured and trapped by the abuser. This pressure includes biting, sexual stimulation, or physical force. Self-esteem is affected immeasurably.
o The victim feels betrayed, because someone she hopes to love and care for is hurting her in the worst possible way. Furthermore, because children inherently believe that a parent will protect them from harm, and when a sibling harms them, the victim feels betrayed twice: once by her sibling and by her parents. They might even believe that the parents think the abuse is acceptable, further adding to the emotional damage.
o The victim may feel responsible, bad or dirty, thus generating feelings of guilt, shame and humiliation about their body, sexuality and personality.
o Sibling abuse causes more harm than abuse by a stranger. This is because children rely on their families and parents for years to keep them safe. Studies of adolescent offenders convicted of sexual abuse show that delinquent siblings commit more serious abuse over a longer period of time than other adolescent offenders. This is so because the victims – brothers or sisters – are easily available, are available for longer periods and the aggressors are protected by the imposed secrecy.
If you know or suspect that one of your children is being sexually abused by a sibling, you should intervene by contacting a professional who specializes in sexual abuse prevention and recovery. If you allow the abuse and secrecy to continue because you think “every child experiences sexually” or “it’s just a phase, they’ll grow out of it,” you are no less responsible for the outcome of sibling sexual abuse. than the aggressor brother. Therefore, the damage is continuous and not short-lived. Furthermore, by making an intervention, you are clearly and emphatically stating that the behavior is unacceptable and that both children have an opportunity to heal.
Most sibling sexual abuse starts because of trauma the offender has experienced, and it is usually your own sexual abuse, although you may not know it.