Now that someone is an adult, it could be said that their early years are behind them. In other words, he is now an adult and what happened in the past is irrelevant.
However, although it may seem so, it does not mean that it is actually so. There is a possibility that what you experienced at this stage of your life has not been left behind and is very defining your present.
a fallen bridge
Still, because so many years have passed since this stage of their life and because of the defenses their mind has, they may not be able to see the connection. Consequently, the way they experience life will be what is normal and it might be as if there is nothing they can do about it.
If you live a life that is anything but satisfying, having this perspective will not allow you to experience hope, much less truly change your life. They will be like someone who is stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere, with no way to contact the outside world.
a closer look
What you may find, if you could step back and reflect on your experience, is that you are not comfortable being in your own body. Instead, what feels comfortable is being in your head.
Not only this, they prefer spending time alone than spending time with others. When alone, they can connect with who they are, but rarely in the company of others.
An act
When they are around others, they can see that they have a tendency to pretend and therefore disconnect from their true selves. This is likely to show that their awareness will shift from within them to focus on what is happening outside.
How they present themselves will not reflect who they are, although this is not to say that everyone will notice this. Who they are is likely to be a reflection of what other people want them to be and what they think they want them to be.
A ‘yes’ person
They can generally appear calm and even submissive, and can usually agree to just about anything another person wants. They may rarely, if ever, say ‘no,’ and if they do, they may feel incredibly uncomfortable.
To say that they will be a doormat might be an understatement and they will be used to being raped. Therefore, as they continually adapt to the needs of others and neglect their own, they will naturally suffer mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Protection
If this is what usually happens when they are around others, it will not be a surprise if they prefer to be alone. This will separate them from their peers, that is clear, but it will also prevent them from being taken advantage of.
What this shows is that they don’t believe they can hold their own against others, leaving them with one option when it comes to protecting themselves: isolation. Furthermore, this also shows that they don’t feel safe enough to be in their body with others, so they automatically disconnect from it and focus too much on others.
the safe zone
What you should feel safe about is being in your body, and this would keep you from having to isolate yourself and allow you to assert yourself and say no when necessary. However, without this inner sense of safety and security, they are forced to retreat into their minds.
As a result of this, your mind is your safe haven, not your body. To use an analogy: it is as if one had two rooms; one room is large and has many activities and another room is small and has only one activity, and one spends most of the time in the latter.
What’s going on?
At this point, it may seem strange why someone wouldn’t feel safe in their body or have the ability to stand their ground and protect themselves. What this may illustrate, however, is that they were treated as an object during their early years and were therefore regularly raped.
If this happened, it will show that your caregiver(s) did not see you as a separate being who had needs, feelings, rights, preferences and wishes; no, they would not have been any different than an appliance but they would have been of much less value. This would have prevented them from receiving the love, care and attunement they needed to grow and develop in the right way.
A deeply vulnerable state
Not being treated as a human being who had needs, feelings, rights, preferences, and desires, they would not have been able to stay connected to their true self, their body, or develop a sense of safety and security. Going in and being in his head would have been the only place they could feel safe.
This may have allowed them to develop a rich imagination and be very creative. His body, on the other hand, would have been seen as a possession of his/her caregiver and something they had no control over.
no choice
Their instinct to attack/fight would have been split off and this would have robbed them of the power they needed to defend themselves then and now. But, since they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage, they would not have been in a position to do anything about what he was going through.
They were a sitting duck back then; there was absolutely nothing they could do. All they could do was become a divided being and maybe isolate themselves, and that’s what they did.
Awareness
If someone can relate to this and is ready to change their life, they may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.