See if this scenario triggers any sense of recognition for you. Perhaps you and your husband are separated. Perhaps this was all because her husband felt the need for “space” or “time.” Understandably, he had some difficulty adjusting to this. One second your husband is there. And the next second he’s not.
And you can’t just walk into another room when you want to talk or interact with him. No, since he no longer lives with you, you have to pick up the phone or get in your car for the interaction to happen. This is painful and inconvenient. And it’s even worse when it’s clear he’s not that happy to see or hear from you.
You may hear this type of description: “My husband now lives an hour away from me because he was no longer sure of our marriage. I feel very lonely because of this separation. I feel like a part of me has been ripped away. It’s a struggle every day. It’s very hard for me not to see or talk to my husband all the time. And of course I want to get on the phone and talk to him. Of course I want to get in my car and drive to his house. But every time I do these things, he makes it very clear that he doesn’t really want to see me. Last night, I went over to his house and he couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. When I got home, I noticed he sent me a text saying that he was asking me for more privacy. He said one of the reasons he wanted to separate in the first place was to be alone. He says I’m not respecting his need for privacy. What does this mean exactly? Does this mean he never wants to see me? Does this mean I must keep to myself and g I use in my own loneliness? Because you can give me this line about your privacy all you want. But I’m starting to think this privacy talk just means that he’s decided he doesn’t love me anymore. And by demanding that I stay away, he makes sure that he no longer has to deal with me. Is this true?”
This Situation Is Not Uncommon During Separations: I can tell you my opinion. But that’s all it can be, since I don’t know you or your husband. However, I pretty much dealt with the same situation. And I find that, at the beginning of a martial separation, many husbands act in the same way. They have been longing for that space and they really want to get it. If they sense something is going to get in the way, they get frustrated and may lash out at times. So they resist and demand the privacy they think they are entitled to.
The good news is that this often doesn’t last forever. Often, if you back off a bit and allow them that space, they will eventually be satisfied and find that it is not all that it seems. At that time, many will start to get close to or want to see their wives again.
Understand your options: Of course, I can’t guarantee that it will communicate automatically. But as I have come to see in my own case, there is not an unlimited number of options here. One option is to keep insisting and keep trying to call or come. The risk with this is that he’ll just get angrier and angrier and eventually he won’t welcome you at all or he’ll start avoiding you and refusing to take your calls.
The other option, backtracking, can also seem risky. You can worry that, without constantly drawing his attention, he will completely forget about you. Frankly, I was worried about this too, but I think it’s not very likely. He is married to you and you have likely been in his life for years. It is impossible to forget that.
You may also worry that he will come to like his freedom. This is understandable. But I think this is a more reasonable risk than pushing him and knowing it will only frustrate him more. By giving him the chance to miss you and do what he’s asked, you’re increasing the chances that he’ll look at you favorably and come back to the table with a different, more willing attitude once he gets his space and sees you doing it. she doesn’t magically fix things (as many husbands eventually come to see).
The point I am trying to make is that this “privacy plea” (as I call it) is not that rare. Many wives worry that the husband loves someone else or is trying to get rid of her. But this is not always the case. Often you just want the space that prompted you to seek separation in the first place. Many husbands do not rest until they achieve this. But once they do, many see that it’s not the answer they thought it would be, and then they become more accepting of their wives.