my journey to serenity
The abuse in marriage set in on our honeymoon night, ramping up shortly after I had my first baby, and I was feeling sexy again. So while I was in the shower completely naked, I flirtatiously shook my hips and smiled at my husband, the father of our daughter. He proceeded to tell me that I was fat, he was no longer attracted to me, it bored him and he had to pretend he was someone else during sex. It was downhill from there. When he hit me, he and his mother told me that he didn’t count because he went with his hands open. Even though the marks of his hands remained on my face for hours.
Isolation from friends and family happened from the beginning. Various manipulation tactics were used. They were bad influences, they didn’t like me or they were using me. Ice water containers were being thrown at me while I was in bed because I had embarrassed him in front of someone earlier that day.
He had more girlfriends than me on his fingers and toes during our marriage, all of course younger than me. Days would go by and he would disappear without taking a phone call or saying a word to me. He would forgive and forgive because we were a family and there were good times among the bad.
After accepting the fact that divorce was the right decision for my life, I have never been happier. I am not a divorce advice professional; The following are the steps I personally took that have helped me find happiness and serenity.
Start with my thoughts:
I don’t dwell on my emotionally abusive marital past. It gets me nowhere. I choose to move forward by focusing on the blessings of my past life to further enrich it. My energies are focused on my daughters, skills, passions and relationships that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Now laughter and smiles without fear or shame have quickly become a big part of my day.
Read good books:
My favorite book that has helped me understand who I am and has been so supportive of me as an abuse survivor is The Four Agreements. Being a victim of abuse, I had developed a habit of giving in to guilt and fear. This book helped me understand why I was programmed this way and inspired me to develop an alternative thought process. The book starts off weird but wow is it illuminating. Because of that book, I have made major goals in my life to create my Heaven ON Earth. It is a must read and a re-re-re-reader. Yes, it’s so good I had to come up with a word to describe it!
Exercise:
Easily a self-confessed junkie to the positive feelings caused by endorphins, since the divorce I have added exercise classes to my routine. The positive energy drawn from the people in the class has given me excellent support for the divorce. The following are my favorite classes so far.
- Zumba classes: Have rhythm; participation is not mandatory. I am living proof of that. This invigorating class is made up of women of all shapes and sizes who come together smiling as they learn to move like sexy Latinas. The class environment provides a festive escape filled with the power of women coming together to improve their lives.
- kickboxing classes: Initially intimidated by this class fearing the instructor would say, “Hey, geriatric in the back (me), the senior class is in the pool, why don’t you join them before you get hurt? “. My 16 year old son insisted we go. Class after class my kicking and punching skills improved. This class is empowering and inspired my Nobody’s Bxxch designs.
- Yoga: I refer to this class as getting to play tongue twisters with the nap at the end. In all seriousness, the power and serenity experienced in yoga feeds the soul. Many times during meditation my eyes filled with tears. I felt myself letting go of the abusive toxins and replacing them with clarity.
Reconnect with friends:
I was shocked and amazed at how quickly my friends and family welcomed me with open arms. It feels good to surround myself with positive relationships that I have been waiting for with a network of support and encouragement. Engaging in a constructive conversation and not accepting being a victim but a survivor who is making the most of her journey to serenity has been a vital key to rebuilding my confidence again.
Follow my passions:
Keeping myself busy with constructive activities and taking advantage of opportunities to improve my skills and educate myself facilitates my journey to move forward with enthusiasm and vigor. I work as a graphic artist and writer driven by my passion and convictions. Being free to learn new things and skills has been both enriching and enlightening. I have developed a new zest for life with the excitement of a new day, chapter, and beginning.
Take the time to enjoy a gift of the day:
Whether it’s an amazing sunset or the refreshing touch of a gentle breeze, I am humbly grateful for the gifts a day brings, feeling my soul with gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.