A shark attack is usually evidenced by a shark bite of some kind and can occur in as little as two feet of water! But the attack is much better for a newspaper headline to entice people to read the rest of the story.
If it were a dog, unless it was a pack of dogs, the story would be about “a person, a child, or another dog that bites a dog,” unless, of course, it is a pit bull. Everything is a matter of perception.
Anyway, it is quite difficult to get a shark to bite you, but here are some tips that will help you increase your chances. First, it is to go for a swim in the early morning, evening or at night which is when many sharks feed and to further increase your chances then do a lot of splashing to get the shark’s attention.
Second, if you are a harpoon angler, be sure to catch a lot of fish and then drag the dead fish behind you, which is like ringing a dinner bell for the sharks in the area. If the fish you went through bleeds a lot, so much the better.
Third, ignore any signs that you warn of shark sightings in the area because it is probably a tactic to keep swimmers out of the water. What are your chances of being bitten even if a shark has recently been sighted? In fact, your chances of being struck by lightning are greater than that of a shark. The people putting up the signs are probably just fear mongers!
Fourth, if you see birds diving into the water looking for small fish jumping on the surface of the water, definitely swim towards the action and see what is causing it. Of course, it could be a very large fish like a shark chasing the small fish! But if you have a camera, imagine what kind of photos you can get, especially if the shark attacks you.
Fifth, go scuba diving or snorkelling and if you see a small shark be sure to grab its tail or dorsal fin. This will help you to be very friendly with the shark because the shark will understand that you are only playing with him and he will not hurt him. So when the shark turns and bites, don’t take it personally.
Sixth, when you are in the water and you see a sizable shark, be sure to try to get as close to it as possible. In fact, invade your personal space as quickly as possible to get a great photo or life experience moment. If the shark starts arching its back and flapping its side fins erratically, there is no need to worry because the shark is just trying to show you affection. In fact, a great idea is to try stroking it while arching your back and turning your body from side to side to show your own signs of affection towards this beautiful creature.
Seventh, make sure you swim alone and also make sure you get out as far as possible. In this way, the shark will have no problem distinguishing you because you will be the only moving object that may or may not be perceived as the meal of the day. And once again, splash a lot when you are as far away as possible so that sharks / sharks have an easier time spotting you. Please make sure you do this on a deserted beach so someone else doesn’t have to risk their life to save you from your own stupidity.
Eighth, since you have all that glow, be sure to wear it when you enter the ocean. Whether it’s a fancy watch, a gold chain, or a ring, don’t forget to keep it on so you can look good underwater or while swimming. In fact, the fish will be very impressed with all your jewels, especially the barracudas and sharks, not to mention moray eels. It will be easier for predators to use their vision to target you instead of having to use the others they have. The brighter the better!
Ninth, if you are bleeding, definitely go swimming, snorkeling or surfing and make sure the salt water keeps the blood flowing. Just because the shark can detect your blood within half a mile doesn’t mean you should be concerned. In fact, if you are wearing a lot of sparkling jewelry, swimming alone at sunset in an area known for shark attacks, you will definitely maximize your chances of encountering a shark or many sharks.
These are just a couple of methods of provoking a shark that may or may not result in a bite, which can lead to serious injury or death. Feel free to add any other actions that a human can take to attract a shark to attack.