I grew up in a very happy home. My mom and dad loved each other very much during my childhood and today they are still happily married. They always laughed together, always enjoyed each other’s company, and both seemed to know exactly what to say to make the other feel loved, needed, and appreciated.
All I wanted when I grew up was the same. I respected my father a lot and if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I would be like him when I grow up. He really loved my mother and one thing he also wanted was a wife who would treat me the same way.
However, my first five relationships were anything but…
You see, I always wanted the happy moments in my parents’ relationships, but I didn’t understand that they had many difficult moments and had to learn to work with each other.
I discovered that the path to a happy relationship lies within ‘five’ basic principles:
PRINCIPLE I – DOES MY PARTNER RESPECT MY FEELINGS, OPINIONS AND DREAMS?
Feelings are what we feel towards others; people we love and care about; interests and life experiences. From our feelings we develop our opinions and our future intentions (or dreams). As individuals, we all have the right to be ourselves and never feel the need to change who we are and what we stand for, for the sake of a relationship. Your partner should always be respectful of your feelings and opinions and realistically support your life goals and dreams.
PRINCIPLE II – DO I RECEIVE COMPLIANCE IN MY RELATIONSHIP?
What is compliance? What do we mean when we feel fulfilled in a relationship? Fulfillment can mean completion or achievement. It can also mean satisfaction and happiness, joy or pleasure. When it comes to our relationship, fulfillment is a very important feeling. Basically we are asking ourselves the big question, “Am I happier in my relationship with my current partner than I am alone?” Being alone can be scary, but in some relationships it can be the best therapy. If you don’t feel fulfilled in your relationship (ie happy, satisfied), then you are not being honest with yourself or your partner. Being full in a relationship is everyone’s desire but very few achieve it. The main cause of the lack of satisfaction or fulfillment can come from a bad communication or an unbalanced relationship.
PRINCIPLE III – DO I HAVE A BALANCE BETWEEN MY PARTNER AND THE REST OF MY LIFE?
Balance is a fundamental rule. All strong relationships that last long term have enough balance between your partner and the rest of the world. Some people believe that when they are in a relationship they say goodbye to their single life (ie friends, family, hobbies, interests, etc.). However, nothing could be further from the truth. Of course you make the necessary sacrifices in life to accommodate living with your partner, but you need to keep your life in balance. Hobbies and interests should always be encouraged by your partner. Time away from your partner is a good method of strengthening your relationship. You need to get away from one and the other to allow yourself to ‘miss’ one and the other. If you’re together all the time, it’s going to be very unhealthy in the long run. Balance with each other’s family (yes, that’s right, in-laws) is crucial for each member of the relationship. Good Balance equals a food relationship.
PRINCIPLE IV – DO WE MAKE TIME TO TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND PERSONAL FEELINGS?
Communication about our feelings and our needs is important. If we don’t communicate what we want or what we lack, we cannot grow together with our partner. Many marriages and relationships end due to miscommunication. In today’s busy world, it’s getting harder and harder to find that moment to talk about our relationship. Talking is vitally important as it will allow your partner to learn more about you and the committed ways to keep you happy together.
PRINCIPLE V – DO WE HAVE STRONG COMMUNICATIONS ABOUT OUR LIFE TOGETHER?
The communication of our life together differs from the previous principle because we are now focusing on our future direction. Our future direction or future goals should always be discussed and reassessed to ensure both members are happy with where we are headed. Often circumstances will change; a new baby could be on the way; one of us may lose our job. These are just a few examples that may impact previous ideas for our future. Big financial changes in life can often cause stress and eventually break up couples. Money can be a nasty enemy of relationships.
In conclusion, we are all human. Men and women are wired differently in their relationship needs and desires. However, in the end we are all trying to achieve the same thing: a happy and fulfilling relationship. Honesty, communication and persistence are the keys to achieving the five principles above; and a happy life.