Losing a family member, coworker, or close friend is not something we plan on or look forward to. The event is simply placed on our calendar and we cannot change, postpone or delete it. We are forced to acknowledge and accept it. But then what?
Although we are told that the emotions of loss are natural and normal, we cannot seem to grasp or understand the feelings of shock, denial, anger, numbness, guilt, regret … just to name a few. We go through the motions of the “homework” of planning and attending funeral / memorial services while still in a state of disbelief. Others, even though they mean well and try to help, say all the wrong things, like “I understand how you feel.” No, you cannot really understand how another person feels when death and the response to loss are different for each person.
Then usually a few days later, when family and friends have returned to their “normal” lives, the reality of death appears. The phone stops ringing, the doorbell stops ringing, the house is quiet, and the bed is empty. To make matters worse, it’s time to get back to work.
Most employers offer a bereavement policy that grants employees paid time off for the death of immediate family members. What happens after that time and you have to go back to work? How do others respond to you? What’s the correct protocol for masking your feelings while trying to “get back on track” or conquer the pile on your desk that was left while you were away? Which feels better: coworkers who reach out to offer sympathy, or those who avoid you because they don’t know what to say and are afraid of upsetting you?
Everyone in the workplace is affected, directly or indirectly, when a death occurs. The problem arises when we don’t know what to do or how to respond to this disruption in our daily workflow. What is the price paid for the loss of focus, concentration, and productivity during a loss? How do you deal with depression, fear, crying, despair, and sadness, while at the same time recognizing that the business in question must continue? Customers must be satisfied, sales must be maintained at or above quota, budgets must be met, services must be maintained, appointments must be maintained, a safe and productive environment must be maintained for employees … yes, life in the workplace you cannot stop.
During this time, your staff should continue to feel supported and valued. Here are some suggestions to show your concern and support:
• Provide a list of community complaint support groups.
• Check with local funeral homes and / or cemeteries for grief support information.
• Schedule a lunchtime grievance support seminar for interested employees.
• Recommend employer-sponsored programs, such as the Employee Assistance Program (EAP), for counseling / therapy services.
• Offer training workshops for managers on understanding grief in the workplace.
Remember, there is no standard for the grieving process or a set schedule for one to grieve. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.