“Billy Madison” is a movie of many characters: part stereotypical ’90s comedy, part tongue-in-cheek type movie, and part larger-than-life Hollywood behemoth. But with these different personalities comes a healthy collection of memorable quotes that leave even the most prudish or pretentious with anything from a quiet chuckle to a nasty chuckle. Let’s take a look at some of the most outrageous and hilarious “Billy Madison” movie quotes.
“Maybe she wants to make an example of you…or maybe she has something up her ass.”
Billy’s maid has a knack for being both creepy and heartbreaking with her dialogue, but this particular quote takes the cake, commenting on the bad attitude of Billy’s third-grade teacher and future love interest in the film.
“If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”
As endearing as it is hilarious, the context of the scene shows Billy intentionally splashing water all over his crotch to convey the image of wet pants being “cool”, used as a means of saving his elemental best friend from embarrassment. As expected, the old woman in the scene intervenes with her own experience to wet the pants.
“Mr. Madison, what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard. At no point in your rambling, rambling response was it even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room now she’s dumber for listening to her. I’m not giving you points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
The host of the film’s culminating academic decathlon, in addition to playing the “crazy ex-husband” role in the film, ends a charming scene in which Billy tries to dig into a children’s book that his first-grade teacher is so creepy. read aloud earlier in the movie.
“TTT-TODAY JUNIOR!”
Lacking political correctness in all the right ways, Billy criticizes his third-grade classmate’s stammering reading before being dragged out of the classroom by the ear. Not necessarily the highest moment in class comedy, but one of the funniest moments all the same.
“Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty bum, and I’m going to break.”
The less-than-emotional host makes a completely out-of-left field and hysterically inappropriate statement as he introduces the decathlon, with Jeopardy-esque categories of “tramps” and “ex-wives” lingering in the background of the screen.