Are you a white man who is attracted to black women even though you have trouble getting close to them? Frankly, approaching black women is no different than approaching any other woman. However, there are some issues that underscore the way white men are dealing with interracial dating.
In my opinion, the reasons why white American men find it difficult to approach black American women is partly due to stereotypes about black women. Unfortunately, stereotypes are distributed by the mainstream media. Second, white men are often haunted by the “what if” factor. The “what if” factor is basically the fear of the unknown. Some popular “what ifs” are: “What if she says no?”, “What if she laughs at me?”, “What if she doesn’t like my white skin?” if she only likes blacks “” what if she gets on me? “… well, you get the picture. Third, pressure from family and / or friends can sometimes be the cause of not getting involved with a black woman.
Now let’s tackle these issues:
Social Stereotypes / Stigmas: Contrary to rap music, rap videos, VH1, BET, and other “newsworthy” sources, black women are not gold-seeking, over-sex-eating, hood rats of men. Nor do black women believe that all the white men they come across sit on their front porch in a Klan robe carving wood. Until both parties understand and acknowledge stereotypes for what they are, dating or marriage will remain difficult.
The “What If?” – Gentleman, rejection is a normal part of dating. Sometimes you win, you lose something. Don’t take it personally. For every black woman who says no, there will be 5 who will say yes. It’s that easy. Being rejected by a black woman is no different than being rejected by a woman who is not black. There are no 21 gun salutes, no fireworks or explosions if a black woman rejects you!
Friends and Family: Pressure from friends and family is often the biggest opponent for white men dating black women. Don’t fall into this trap and risk your happiness based on someone else’s views and opinions. You may find yourself stuck in an unhappy situation and always regret that you did not follow your heart.
Okay, now that we’ve got the underlining out of the way, to focus secrets:
In general, we (black women) are socially conditioned to believe that white men are not attracted to us. Many times we lose the subtle clues that white men give because we are used to the aggressive approaches that black men tend to show. However, black women across the country are beginning to pick up on these clues, opening their minds, and responding in kind! With that said, let’s look at a few scenarios:
Scenario 1- Grocery Store:
Well, you see a fiery black woman standing on the pastry or pasta island. When you approach her, make sure you have a food product on hand. Start by asking a question about the product, such as “Excuse me, could you give me any advice on xyz?” Or “Do you know how to cook xyz?” Better yet, ask for an opinion on product xyz. Tell him you read a review and wanted to give it a try. Another idea that works is to explain that your niece asked you to pick up the xyz product … or this is the first time you cooked xyz … ask her about the baking time … and so on. . The point is that you are trying to strike up a conversation without being overly aggressive or threatening. If you find yourself in the produce section, ask her if she knows how to cook fresh broccoli … or what is the difference between collard greens and mustard? Tell him that you are single and you are planning a home cooked meal for your mother … what does he suggest you cook for the meal? During small exchanges, be VERY aware of your body language and responses. If your answers are too short, you are in a hurry or not interested. If she’s looking you in the eye a lot, smiling, or trying to prolong her responses, she’s interested.
Scenario 2- The mall / clothing store
Same premise as the previous one. You see an attractive black woman looking at clothes. You approach her in a sweater / shirt / tie. Ask her for an opinion on the style or color. Tell him you were invited to a wedding … you haven’t been wearing a suit for a long time … how do you look xyz? Let’s say you are going to buy something for a little brother, a sister, a nephew. Anything that gives you the impression that you need your advice. Look for wedding rings, ring marks, or any other clues that give you the impression that you are single or interested.
Scenario 3- Eye contact
Nothing irritates us more than a white boy who stares and says nothing (or stares and looks away). This is probably the biggest complaint I constantly hear from black women. Friends, you have to master the art of “eye flirting.” It is imperative if you don’t want to look like a pervert or a loser. If you want her to know that you love her, throw a few lingering glances her way followed with a flirtatious smile. Better yet, if you are amazed by a beautiful black woman, try the “triangle formulation”. This involves looking a woman in the eye, then at the woman’s mouth and chin, at the rest of her body, and back into her eyes. Sexy!
In conclusion, if you are shy or having a hard time meeting eligible black women in your area, try sites that cater to interracial dating. This helps weed out women not dating white men and saves you a lot of time and feelings. It also increases your confidence. Remember that the purpose of online dating is to eventually meet someone. Don’t use this method as a social crutch. Above all, have fun and don’t take things personally!